Call us Matthew McConaughey, mates, because our minds are blown. What’s the reason, you ask? Well, in my film review of The Secret Life of Bees, a helpful commenter (with the handle “bucdaddy”) tipped me off about a certain statement by one John Malkovich in the November 2008 issue of Esquire magazine. Truthfully, I didn’t believe him at first. So, in an attempt to confirm the veracity of this claim, I dropped everything, drove to the nearest bookstore, and took a peek at the latest Esquire, specifically, the “What I’ve Learned” interview with John Malkovich on page 128:
Twenty-five or thirty years ago, you became famous, what’s the worst that could happen to you? Page 6? Cindy Adams? Liz Smith? There weren’t cell phones with cameras. Waiters didn’t listen to your conversations and send them to Drudge or Defamer or Gawker or Jezebel or Agent Bedhead. Now we’re all Japanese. We’re a nation of paparazzi. And it’s okay. You make your peace with it. We get so many rewards, we’re much more remunerated than other people, so guess we should take more licks than other people, too.
Bloody hell! At first, I wasn’t sure whether he was passing us an insult or a compliment. Hell, I’m still not sure… but I had to quickly ponder, “Does John Malkovich want to kick our asses?” and “Have we ever written anything awful about John Malkovich?” No, we sure haven’t, and, in fact, Mr. Atoz and I have each made just one brief, indirect mention apiece about him. However, if you click here, it probably looks like we talk a bunch of smack about the guy, which we would never do. That is, unless the bloke really does want to beat the living hell out of us.
So, uh, thanks for the shoutout, Malkovich. Can we call you that? Oh, and all you bitches should go buy the latest Esquire magazine (Halle Berry is on the cover). Hell, now I have eight copies of the damn thing.
UPDATE 10/30: The Esquire article is now online — “What I’ve Learned: John Malkovich” — go read it, dammit!