Something about the visual image of Marilyn Manson wearing a kitschy red-and-white apron just creeps me out, but according to Dita Von Teese, her charming husband is one hell of a chef:

“People might be surprised to know that my husband cooks me things.

He baked me cupcakes on Valentine”’s Day.”

Indeed. Marilyn Manson the “shock rocker” possesses a vast repertoire of all things culinary and exercises the ability to whip up numerous complex recipes. Honey, I broiled these goat hearts just for you! Hot damn.

The only thing sexier would be Ozzy Osborne tossing meat over his fence into his neighbor’s yard while mowing his lawn in a lime green speedo.

Of course, Dita is quick to insist that she indulges in her husband’s meals in a strictly guilt-free manner, and she doesn’t put on weight only because she’s got “good genes.” That’s what all the starlets claim before they confess to massive eating disorders.