Marilyn Manson isn’t crying in his satanic beer over the loss of his estranged wife, thirty-four year old Dita Von Teese. In fact, although his divorce was briefly and erroneously attributed to Lindsay Lohan, it seems Marilyn really has been banging another whore. Meet nineteen-year old Evan Rachael Wood, whose main marketable asset seems to be, well, being nineteen years old.

One wonders how one of the ugliest men alive manages to work these quasi-romantic miracles. The dude certainly isn’t packing heat, and this I do know because when I was unwittingly tossed about in the mosh pit at a 1995 Nine Inch Nails concert, I remember seeing Marilyn Manson for the first time. His crappy band opened for the greatness that is Trent Reznor, and for a few songs, Marilyn sang whilst stroking an enormous black rubber dildo. Cute, huh?

Seriously though, Manson dated Rose McGowan for several years, which still remains one of the hidden mysteries of postmodern pop culture:

In addition, Manson’s lady luck cannot be explained by his overwhelming masculinity, since the guy is actually arguing with Dita about who gets custody of their two cats. These are animals who walk through their own crap and rub it all over your lap, pillow, and in Manson’s case, the makeup palettes.

More Evan Rachel Wood images at A Socialite’s Life