TMZ reports that last week, some staffers from Martha Stewart’s teevee program attempted a covert operation involving sneaking into Rachael Ray’s live studio audience. This leaves us to wonder if a sooper seekrit rivalry exists between the two domestic divas. More importantly, we want to know who would win in a smackdown:
| Martha Stewart | Rachael Ray | |||||
| Origin | Born Martha Helen Kostyra (August 3, 1941 in Jersey City, New Jersey). Middle-class family of Polish heritage. | Born Rachael Domenica Ray (August 25, 1968 in Cape Cod, Massachusetts). Italian-American and French-American ancestry. | ||||
| Claims To Fame | Business mogul, entrepreneur, and homemaking advocate. Worked as a stockbroker from 1967 to 1973. Started a catering business in her basement in 1976. Now controlling stockholder of Martha Stewart Omnimedia, which releases three magazines, various television programs, and countless other endeavors. | Author and Emmy-winning television personality. Well-known for the concept of “30 Minute Meals,” which she conceived during her stint at a gourmet food store where people were too lazy to cook. Host of four programs on Food Network (30 Minute Meals, $40 a Day, Inside Dish, and Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels). | ||||
| Catchphrases | “It’s A Good Thing.” | “Yum-O!”, “So delish!”, “How good is THAT?” | ||||
| Toughness Factor: | Five months in the big house for her conviction on four counts of obstruction of justice. Prison time equals street cred. | Her excessive perkiness and bobble head behavior may deceptively hide the power of her huge man hands. | ||||
| Does Size Matter? | A perfectionist by extreme nature. An extra drop of vanilla can wreak havoc on one’s Venetian Butter Cookies. | Measuring “takes away from the creative, hands-on process of cooking” and instead favors approximations such as “half a palmful” and “eyeball it.” | ||||
| Weapon Of Choice | Bag of fertilizer in linen pillowcase. | Santoku knives and the aforementioned man hands. | ||||
| Bullshit Factor | Twig coasters, seam-binding lampshade, packing a pet suitcase. Who the fuck does this crap? | You-Won’t-Be-Single-for-Long Vodka Cream Pasta. Slate columnist was unable to complete any “30 Minute Meals” recipes in half an hour. | ||||
| Sex Appeal | Not so much. In 1990, Martha Stewart learned the definition of irony when she released her successful book, Weddings. Her husband filed for divorce on the same day the book was released. | Relatively hot. In 2003, Rachael posed for FHM wearing short-shorts and a skimpy top, and munched on a strawberry while sitting in a sink full of bubbles. Made the “FHM 100 Sexiest Women” list for 2004 & 2006. |
See also: Naked Chef attacked by gluttonous mothers and their offspring.
18 comments
Oh sure Rachel’s a regular hottie McNasty, once you get past the man hands, but Martha’s sex appeal when through the farookin’ roof when she showed her prowess with her tongue.
Yeah, Rachel is hot, but I can’t STAND watching 30 Minute Meals. The way she talks is annoying as hell. Perhaps I should just watch it on mute.
I find Rachel Ray cute in a mildly retarded sort of way.
She just doesn’t do it for me. I find it difficult to take someone seriously who raves about *every single meal* as though it were the best she’s ever had…
She does get points for liking beer, though…
Martha Stewart on the other hand…bitchy, powerful, ruthless, AND adept in the kitchen. That’s hot.
A++!!
PS can we request an anti-Rosie post? She’s ba-a-a-a-ck
:beaming: Hi gay boyfriend – that was dedicated to you!
When we recently published an article on Martha Stewart, I came to understand through some male co-workers that the rather stern and demanding aspect of MS’s personality can be considered sexy. The things you learn.
tern and demanding aspect of MS’s personality can be considered sexy.
I guess this could explain why it’s teh bitches that guys fall for, ’specially if they do tongue tricks like Martha in public.
Man hands?
Merri is going to be so mad at you!
Hmm. Merri lurves me, Mister Fickle, and the feeling is quite mutual.
Lunch…
AgentBedHead: Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray. No contest. BONUS FEATURE: Complete with a jumbo-industrial strength definition of the word “irony.”……
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Don’t send that crap here, because I’ll email it right back to ya, Feisty.
No bullshit –
I read somewhere (don’t remember where) that Rachael has a genius-level IQ.
She’s not bad but not quite hot. Just a couple of features off from being hot.
Rachel Vs. Martha? Y’all are on crack. One word: Giada.
Sunday Funnies…
image courtesy of faithmouse
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Point Five reports on a giant spinach salad buffet sponsored by the Reality Based Community.
Right Jokester: Yo! You, listen up!…
spammer alert
que?
Rachel Ray is obnoxious, annoying and grossssss. Along with the man hands, trucker mouth, she also has practically no neck, and apparently pancake nipples. You forgot her most annoying catchphrase” EVOO”
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