Hot damn. Matthew McConaughey is single again and ready to live up to his “Sexiest Man Alive” title. (Incidentally, Pete Doherty is now dubbed as the “Sexiest Man Dead,” which of course has nothing to do with sexy.) At any rate, the alleged reason that Matthew and Spanish beauty Penelope Cruz broke up is “busy work schedules,” but we all know that’s utter crap. Presenting the Top Ten Reasons Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz Split:

10. Matthew’s relentless and quite understandable teasing over Penelope’s past relationship with Tom Cruise.

9. Penelope’s role as a cocaine whore in Blow was the only blowing she’s ever done.

8. The whole “football” and “futbol” distinction was getting very tiresome for Matthew to explain.

7. DJ AM is so, like, last year.

6. A glamorous starlet who wears $5000 dresses and a casual Southern boy who prefers ripped jeans could never last too long as a couple.

5. Matthew never did like JLo’s ass.

4. Penelope’s anti-American attitude was starting to really piss Matthew off.

3. Tom Cruise is SO gay.

2. Matthew never could understand a fucking word that came out of Penelope’s mouth.

1. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Nuff said.

So Matthew, let’s do lunch. Have your people call my people.