In this episode of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Useless,â€? Brandon Davis, oily oil heir, Paris Hilton boy toy and hater of the firecrotch, takes time out from his busy schedule of club-hopping and bloating to go sky-diving over (I kid you not) Perris Valley. Well, sort of sky-diving. That’s a sport where you need to pay attention to detail and use your reflexes; if you don’t, the consequences can be regrettable. Brandon’s not good at stuff like timing, or dexterity, or paying attention, or using his hands or his brain, so he decided it might be safer if he hired one of the little people to go sky-diving for him and tagged along for the ride. It’s kind of like a guy sky-diving plus Brandon in a baby carrier, if they made baby carriers for people who weigh 250 pounds.

My apologies for not having Photoshop on this computer, because if ever there were a picture that cried out for the treatment it’s this one.