Common knowledge holds that Scientology is a cult full of nutbags (what cult isn’t comprised of them?), but I was over perusing the Shiela Variations and read what she had to say about Tom Cruise:

He seems like he is completely LOSING it…. Cults operate successfully only when they are stealthy and keep a low-profile. Their entire operation depends on not too many people knowing exactly what they’re doing. Scientology is a classic example. If you walk into a Scientology building, you can’t get a pamphlet of their beliefs and practices like you can do with most any other organization. No. You have to sign up to find out what it’s about. They keep their actual beliefs SECRET. It is essential to the survival of the cult. But now comes chatty-Tommy… He is upping the profile of Scientology right now, and this is NEVER good for a cult. I bet a lot of Scientologists, who have used Tom Cruise’s celebrity as proof of their own legitimacy, are kind of wishing he would shut up now.

Heh. I wonder L. Ron Hubbard would think of Cruise’s recent outspoken mannerisms. Can they spare him? After all, he is the only non-B list celebrity who subscribes to their beliefs. In the words of this church, their super duper Celebrity Centre holds the following objective:

TO HELP LRH SELL AND DELIVER HIGH STANDARD DIANETICS AND SCIENTOLOGY SERVICES TO CELEBRITIES AND THUS CONVERT EARTH’S TOP STRATA OF BEINGS INTO SCIENTOLOGISTS.

Oh….now I get it. This means that Tom Cruise is clearly superior to the rest of us pond scum. Actually, to achieve the utmost levels of ‘clearing,’ which apparently is the code word for ‘enlightenment,’ one only needs a ton of cash - as in a $300,000 payment to achieve a stage of ‘clearing.’ Something that caught my attention is that Greta VanSusteren belongs to the church of Scientology. That explains a few things, doesn’t it?

Of course, John Travolta credits Scientology as the reason his career relaunched to skyrocketing proportions. Um, no. Methinks that was due to the good graces of one Quentin Tarantino. Hot damn, check out the unit on Travolta in his Battleship Gallactica phase! Hubba.

Yet I digress. What pisses me off the most about Scientology is their members’ refusal to endorse any charity that donates money for the care of HIV-positive children or for any AIDS-related research. As the flash-in-the-pan sitcom star of the nineties Jenna Elfman stated, “AIDS is a state of mind, not a disease. Get over it!“

I do believe that statement speaks for itself, so I shall cut the analysis short. Ah yes. Such is the Earth’s upper strata of human beings.