Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and by now you’ve probably already decided how to celebrate the occasion with that special someone. Or perhaps you’re like me, and February 14 will start off with a nice solo breakfast of Lucky Charms drowned in the cheapest scotch permitted by law, while the erotic highlight of the day will consist of quietly weeping while watching octopi mate on the Wildlife Channel. Or something like that–I haven’t really made up my mind. Still, it could be worse. You might spend the evening with one of the two least popular dates in America:

A majority of those surveyed (33%) said Tiger Woods was the last man on earth with whom they would want to spend Valentine’s Day, and chose Rosie O’Donnell among women (46%). Kanye West and Lindsay Lohan came in second in each category.

No real surprises there, in first or second place. In particular, it makes perfect sense that Lindsay is marginally less unpopular than Rosie. If you had to go on a date with her, the odds are pretty good that she wouldn’t show up. So, for all of you except the tiny fraction who have dates with Rosie or Tiger or Kanye or Lindsay, happy Valentine’s Day.