Ah yes, and so we finally return to the blogger-on-blogger interview scene. It’s been a hectic past month since I originally planned on conducting this interview, but as those who play gentlemanly games of cricket say, shit happens. Yet the pitiful object esteemed subject of this interview has possessed infinite patience in regard to the pokiness of yours truly. Eventually, though, we begin…

Methinks the Maximum Leader got pumped about the potential thought dissemination whilst waiting for this impending interview. In a response to the initial demand request, this was what our Maximum Leader wrote:

Of course I’m up to being interviewed…Now let me get this straight. You fly me out to meet you at Ceasar’s in Vegas. (Actually you have Ceasar’s pick me up in their jet.) Then you spot me a few grand so I can gamble and loosen up. Then after I’ve been plied with alcohol and dancing girls and my gaurd is down; you “interrogate the hell out of me.” When all is said and done I need a few shots of pennicillin (not from you – from the dancing girls, just to be sure), some hang-over powders, and you send me on my way on a Greyhound bus feeling like a cheap whore. (But remembering that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.)

…Or it might not be like that at all…(fade in)

Interrogator: Who exactly IS this Maximum Leader? Obviously he is intelligent, well-versed, and definitely an Elvis man. He daydreams about what most men desire–sex and world domination–and all he needs is an army of death-ray toting robots to obey every command. The softer side is present too, as he claims that love is “letting your guard down,” and he dreams of “walking on the beach in Malibu with a comely Hispanic woman discussing Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France while eating a Wahoo Fish Taco.” Recently, the uppermost Naked Villain and I talked some shop:

His Perceptions On The Blogroll

Interrogator: What is your theory on blogrolling and your recent pruning as such?

Maximum Leader: First off I should say that my blogroll is, for me, like a little mobile favourites list. That is its primary function in my eyes. Anything that goes on the blogroll is there because I want to have access to it anywhere I am looking at the internet. I used to travel much more than I do, and used to keep a whole list of urls in a never-to-be-deleted e-mail I had in a yahoo account. Just so I wouldn’t be without my favourite links.

I organize my blogroll into the familiar categories of: Loyal Minions (where you are located my dear), The Legion of Villainy, The Cabal of Villains, and the Villainous Bloggers section. The first two categories contain the first blogs I read every day. And I mean EVERY DAY. (Well…Every day I have access to a computer – which is probably 360 days a year.Loyal Minions from the Legionaires is attachment a bit greater than just active reader. I have corresponded with the Loyal Minions bloggers (or in the case of the Big Hominid – known them all my life practically).

Interrogator: Indeed, as you and I do exchange emails on a regular basis. In fact, a most memorable occasion involved my musings about a slogan for a Minion logo, in which I asked for your input, but said that in the event no decision was made, we’d default to “I just stopped traffic in my maidenform bra.” Your response read in part, “…BTW, I spewed hot (scalding hot in fact) tea through MY NOSE when I read your ‘I stopped traffic…‘ line. I’m still in pain. Exquisite pain from Sadie… But pain nonetheless.” Oh excuse the interruption…you were saying?

Maximum Leader: (Clears throat) The Loyal Minions are special, as they capture something I enjoy very much, but don’t feel I could produce for myself. Kilgore for example. I just love his style of writing, and the subject matter he chooses. I am not creative in that way; but I really appreciate the Big Hominid’s site is so intelligent and profane at the same time. I’ve always enjoyed how Kevin’s brain works. And you are both so thoughtful and uninhibited that your writing is fascinating. Engrossing even.

(whispering) Here is an aside to you Sadie, if you don’t mind my being a little forward… A little while ago I mused what sex with Ann Coulter would be like. I wondered if she would be able to stop talking politics long enough to talk dirty (or moan). I finally speculated that she would just keep talking politics. I imagine that sex with you would be a great physical and mental stimulus. There would be the great sex you are always talking about, but then I imagine there would be some cuddling afterwards with serious discourse concerning some Supreme Court decision or political going-on. Beautiful women who can fornicate like a harlot and wax philosophic with equal aplomb are very sexy. And even more rare to find. (Damn you Irish Lad! You damned Micks are so fricking lucky!)

Speaking Of The Moves…

Interrogator: What is the best way to initiate a first kiss?

Maximum Leader: Leaning in and taking the nape of her neck in your hand and gently guiding her into position. There always is that awkward moment during most first kisses where one isn’t sure if he should tilt his head to the right or left to get the proper angle. Taking matters into your own hands helps avoid that distracting nose-poke that sometimes accompanies a first kiss.

Interrogator: What do you find are the five most underrated erogenous zones on a woman?

Maximum Leader: What is an erogenous zone? (an audible shock resonates throughout the room) Heh. Aren’t they all rated pretty highly? I mean really now. The inner thighs can be well stimulated on your way to the final objective; does that make the inner thighs an underrated erogenous zone? I know that I’ve had some luck behind the ears (if the woman isn’t too ticklish–and then again–sometimes when she is). Also, I’ve found massaging the area around the transition from the cervical vertebrae to the thoracic vertebrae can help things along.

Interrogator: After the sex is over, what is the worst possible thing to say?

Maximum Leader: (deadpan voice) That was mediocre.

Interrogator: What do you always say after sex?

Maximum Leader: (Inquisitively) Ice cream?

Interrogator: Hah. Now…what is the biggest mistake a woman can make in bed?

Maximum Leader: Isn’t it all good? I mean even if they just lie there as if they are doing you a favour one can still make the best of it. Now, as to males, the biggest mistake is being selfish.

Interrogator: Assuming that you have bad sex with a woman three times, but you’re still attracted to her, is there hope for continuing?

Maximum Leader: I’m not sure what bad sex is in this context. If a woman just isn’t trying or willing to learn then I suppose there isn’t much hope.

Interrogator: If your woman has low self-esteem about her body, how do you boost her morale?

Maximum Leader: I’ll be forthcoming here on this one. There really isn’t anything a man can do in this case except listen empathetically. Compliments or diversions are viewed with suspicion and doubt. One can only listen and reassure her as simply as you can that you find her beautiful.(Assuming you do of course.)

On The Christening of Naked Villainy:

Interrogator: Now, before we break for this session…the tell us why you call your blog Naked Villainy.

Maximum Leader: It’s from Shakespeare’s Richard III. Act II, Scene 3. Richard has a short soliliquy, in which he says:

I do the wrong, and first begin to brawl.
The secret mischiefs that I set abroach
I lay unto the grievous charge of others.
Clarence, whom I, indeed, have laid in darkness,
I do beweep to many simple gulls
Namely, to Hastings, Derby, Buckingham;
And say it is the queen and her allies
That stir the king against the duke my brother.
Now, they believe it; and withal whet me
To be revenged on Rivers, Vaughan, Grey:
But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends stolen out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

I love that particular work of Shakespeare, and I saw the movie with Laurence Oliver when I was very young. My eyes observed Ian McKellan in his version on stage, and later on film. Indeed, I enjoyed it so much because until the very end because Richard is having so much fun being evil. A great Shakespeare critic like Harold Bloom might say (and does in fact) that while it is very entertaining to have a playfully evil Richard on stage, it doesn’t add to his human qualities. I disagree. Richard is gleeful as a little boy while getting away with everything. Until the end that is…when he dies… Carry on.