Thirty years after the release of “Never Mind the Bullocks,” the remaining members of the English band Sex Pistols have announced that they shall play a gig on November 8 at Brixton Academy in south London. Conveniently, John “Johnny Rotten” Lydon has launched a rather pointless verbal attack on Sting’s band, The Police:

That really is a reformation isn’t it? But honestly that’s like soggy old dead carcasses. You know listening to Stink try to squeak through ‘Roxanne’ one more time that’s not fun. It’s like letting air out of a balloon.

Oh really? Not to defend Sting, but it’s going to be quite a sorry Sex Pistols show without Sid Vicious to actually make the performance interesting. Not that common sense means anything to Johnny Rotten, who was stupid enough to jump in a cage with 6,000 mosquitoes for a Discovery channel special, puncturing his eardrum and becoming unable to walk for an entire week. That’s a Pretty Vacant thing to do.

Meanwhile, Sting and wife Trudie Styler socialized with bikini clad dancers at Paris’ VIP Room

Oh, don’t look so bloody shocked. Sting’s publicist has always maintained that “Sting and his wife Trudie Styler have always been open about their interest in strip clubs.”

And finally, Holy Moly drops this amusing bomb:

Some years ago, Sting refused to perform at Alexandra Palace unless he was provided a prostitute with VERY specific massage skills, spelling out his exact requirements - to the letter - to startled management.

The lady in question would be required to show very unusual sexual massage skills and certainly not of the kind learned down a Hammersmith back alley. The only working girl who passed Sting’s testicle test was a Chinese prostitute living in Wales, who performed her magic on a specially shaped bed.

And so, whore and bed are ferried to London, for one night, just so Sting’s smug chops could belt out his mundane songs after a right good session of twisty sex.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

See also The Dimunitive Sting