So, everyone (just a few people, actually) wants to know what the hell Lindsay Lohan was thinking when she wore this sparkly hooded dress to last-night’s In-Style Golden Globes afterparty. Well, I’ve got a few theories: (1) “Sparkles = great way to get cast in the Breaking Down part of the Twilight thing;” (2) “Hey, bitches. A free dress = more money for drugs;” (3) “Wait….aren’t I, like, still in India and saving the children??? This a designer headwrap, you disgusting middle America lowlifes.”

That last bit makes not-so-subtle reference to Lohan’s cracked out BBC pseudo-documentary, which Kaiser at Celebitchy (w/video) appropriately summarized:

Lindsay can’t even keep her sh-t together for like 15 seconds. She spaces out mid-sentence as she snorts out this gem: “The parents aren’t necessarily in the wrong — the children are obviously not in the wrong…um…ah, the traffickers are the ones in the wrong, because they know what they’re doing, and anyone who says that they don’t know? I mean, come on.” Thank you, Professor Crackhead. Next up, Lindsay will discuss Middle East peace: “There are, like, these Jews. And then there are…um, ah, Arabs. And I mean, come on.”

Getting back to last night’s debauchery, I’m not sure why Lohan even bothered to crash attend a Globes party. Maybe she thought it would provide an opportunity to sweet-talk a director into giving her a serious acting role. Either that or the abundance of sweet, sweet cocaine.