Lately some implausible pics have been floating around the intertubes purporting to show Nicole Richie with a slightly bulgy tummy, as if she’d eaten a Fig Newton or something. The real explanation might be even more suprising: according to Page Six, Nicole and her longtime BF Joel Madden are expecting a baby. It’s surprising to me, anyway, since 1) I didn’t know skunks could cross-breed with coathangers; and 2) I would have sworn that Nicole was about thirty pounds short of having a menstrual cycle. However, Nicole seems to have overcome these obstacles through the power of her maternal instincts and her strong desire for a get-out-of-jail-free card:
“Nicole is kind of hoping her pregnancy will keep her out of jail,” the friend said. Richie is facing time due to a DWI arrest earlier this year.
Criminy. You might as well have a child because you thought it would be cute to stick one of those Eighties “Baby on Board” annoyances on your car window. We need to start planning now to set up the support group that Suri, the Jolie-Pitt brood, Brit’s kids, and Spawn of Chupacabra are going to need a few years down the road. The thought of these kids turning out worse than their parents is intolerable, not to mention borderline unimaginable.