Quentin, we totally need to talk about your very recent international public appearances to promote the extended version of Death Proof. I totally understand the overwhelming nature of Japanese talk shows, but as the reigning King of Cool, you cannot succumb to the infectious excitement and devastate your reputation as a dude. I’m afraid that you really fucked up when you executed the above triple lutz with a double thumbs up on the landing. Soon, all the young, hopeful directors will be giving the thumbs up too, and predictably, their movies will feature characters who are obsessed with this horrid gesture. As a general rule, movies suck pretty hard these days, so please don’t encourage this sort of thing.

In addition, I regret to inform you that your little protegé, Eli Roth, still won’t stay out of my sex dreams. While I could conceivably blame you for his entire existence as a director, I choose to altogether overlook your association with him. Look, no one’s perfect, and I understand that you sorta dig the dude because he’d swim through shark-infested waters to bring you a glass of lemonade, so whatever. Just know that I put up with a lot from you and overlook things that I’d never accept from, say, Martin Scorsese. I would never allow that little chihuahua, Leonardo Dicaprio, in my sex dreams. Yet I digress.

Listen to me, Tarantino. As a die-hard fan of yours, it causes me genuine pain to bring up my final point. Actually, this is more of a demand. Please do not wear that damn AC/DC RR/QT shirt ever again. Not even while toesucking.