For whatever reasons we cannot possibly imagine, the film that shall provide Tom Cruise’s future career salvation, Valkyrie, has been scheduled for reshoots. So, get ready for some more sexy eye-patch action, bitches. According to Variety’s Peter Bart, the Cruise is headed to North Africa to shoot “three final scenes” as Col. Claus Von Stauffenberg for a film that, one year ago, began its production in Germany:

Much has been made of Cruise’s decision to make this film. Some gurus claim that film-goers don’t want to see Tom Terrific with an eye patch playing a Nazi, albeit one who tries to assassinate Hitler. No, Tom does not speak with a faux German accent in the movie, but there are random other accents around, including British.
….
Valkyrie has another mark against it — two changes in its release date. The film is now scheduled for release Feb. 13. That could be a triple advantage, or whammy. It’s Friday the 13th, Valentines Day and Presidents’ Day weekend. That’s Cruise’s chosen release date through his United Artist label, and there’s no way he’s changing it again.

This crap, which is beyond redundant, is turning into the little cinematic disaster that could. Some salvation can be found, however, in a comment to Peter Bart’s original blog post:

There is no way that someone so short as Tom Cruise nearly assasinated me. This film is a farce.
Posted by: Mr Hilter | 6/3/2008 6:32:54 PM

Cough, cough. Glib. Cough, hack, cough.

Previously: Weinstein Pisses Off Cruise; Scientology Official Uses Phrase “Come Out Of The Closet”