Obligatory Grossout Posting

By Bedhead in Naughty but Nice

A few days ago, I read Witty Sex Kitten’s Coitus Interruptus rant, and then yesterday, I was most amused by Phin’s whoops-accidentally-put-icyhot-on-my-crotch posting. [Ed. Note: Both blogs are now defunct.] Together, these two stories reminded me of an unfortunate incident, which functions as a lesson to be learned, that occured to my college roommates. Heh heh.

One evening, my roommates, who are married now and hopefully have forgotten this frightful evening, were having sex as usual — because they weren’t married then. I had just broken off a relationship and had sworn off sex for awhile. Obviously, that didn’t last long, did it? Anyhoo, it was her time of the month, and they were one of those couples who just didn’t care. Regardless of any hormonal condition, they had sex all the time, and they had the dented headboard to prove it.

One night, the female roommate and I were both awakened by screams coming from the bathroom. We approached the closed door from the darkened hallway and wondered what could have possibly occurred. It sounded like an awful, dreadful accident. Had he fallen in the shower, perhaps broken a bone, maybe even cut himself badly while shaving? The screeching only grew worse, and we knocked on the door, only to be greeted with a “Go the fuck away!

Of course we didn’t go away. That would make us bad roomies, wouldn’t it?

We pushed the door open, and there, in all his manly glory, lay my male roommate on the cold tile floor. He was in so much pain that he felt no shame, and he looked at up at us pitifully. Somehow he managed to gesture towards whatever had caused his agony and barely managed a weak whisper, “…but it said ‘non-acetate’ on the bottle.

Apparently, he fell asleep immediately after sex, and, thus, his girlfriend’s war paint had dried. In the middle of the night, he awoke and tried to wash it off with soap and water to no avail. So, he figured the fingernail polish remover was worth a try.

He decided that worked a bit too well.



No comments

Just goes to show you can’t underestimate the ignorance of the mens – heh!

04.21.05 | 4:17 pm

Please, please, please no more manhood-in-despicable-pain stories.

This is one area where men are true empaths!

04.21.05 | 5:48 pm

Haha! I can’t even imagine voluntarily grabbing a bottle of nail polish remover to remove anything other than nail polish. But then again, men don’t really understand that nail polish remover is pretty much paint thinner in a bottle. Maybe they should childproof it.

Excellently disgusting storie Sadie. Really, on a scale of stepping in poop to vomit in a confined space that ranks right up there next to the vomit.

04.21.05 | 6:41 pm

Damn! Soap and water wouldn’t wash it off?

04.21.05 | 8:30 pm

Ohmigosh! Picture it – I am eleven, experimenting for the first time with nail polish and other accoutrements de beaute. I am sitting on the stairs leading down to the basement in my family’s summer home, with a bottle of remover between my knees – taking off the old toenail goo, you know. Suddenly, our dog came flying down the stairs, jostling me into an incomfortable position, and knocking the remover bottle so that it poured back down my legs, and into my privates.

Oh! The agony! Oh, the shame! The fact that I have a child today is nothing less than miraculous. I felt certain that all usefulness was burnt out of that area, forever and ever. Talk about a sting…!

Obviously, I can empathise…

04.21.05 | 8:31 pm

He did that voluntarily? Wow.

At least mine was by accident.

04.21.05 | 9:19 pm
sadie

He said soap and water didn’t work, Dash…I never verified it, since that would have been rude whilst he was screaming in pain.

Oh gawd Kelley! I bet that dog spent the night outside. Several nights outside…

And Phin, the fact that yours was on accident didn’t make it less painful. I can just see you howling, “…but at least it was only an accident…”

04.21.05 | 9:49 pm

BWAHAHAHAHA

I can’t say anything else…

Its just too funny…

Boys are dumb

04.22.05 | 12:21 am

War Paint? Did they call him Bear Who Walks With Permanent Limp?

04.22.05 | 3:40 pm

Could of done without that

Ouch….

04.21.05 | 9:35 pm

BabeWits Update

Sadie at Fistful of Fortnights puts on an innocent face and shares a cute little bathroom story that makes only women smile. (Damn you, Cutex!)

04.22.05 | 7:14 pm
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