Hot damn, it’s a good thing I don’t have to cook hardly anything today except a pasta salad, and since I won’t partake in the turkey consumption, I won’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it. On the menu is an excessive amount of pumpkin pie with whipped topping. Perhaps some green bean & cheddar cheese casserole might work as well, mashed potatoes and gravy, but let’s face it, you turkey-loving folks don’t wanna hear about my fabulous vegetarian bod, right? I didn’t think so.

What You Should Be Thankful For, Among Other Things:

Be thankful you’re not a celebrity. (Celebitchy)

Be thankful you’re not on a Maldivian yacht listening to Tom Cruise have sex with his boyfriend. (Glitterati)

Be thankful that you didn’t marry a high-class hooker who just pulled the limb card. (Spank Cheeks)

Be thankful you didn’t have to review the Screech Sex Tape. (Evil Beet)

And velocimous leftovers from last year: Best. Thanksgiving. Post. Ever.

What Should A Sooper Seekrit Agent Be Thankful For?

I am thankful for Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Pete Doherty, and all the other entertaining types . . . for some reason of which I am not sure of.

I am thankful for what lucidity and knowledge that I’ve managed to grasp, and I regret attaining the awareness that informs me of what knowledge I lack.

I am thankful for simple pleasures and the luxury of choosing said nominal indulgences.

I am thankful for the healthful status of my loved ones. ‘Nuff said.

I am thankful for truth, justice, the American way, and all those other cliches espoused by Marvel and D.C Comics. Except for those damn bat nipples.

I am thankful for the horrible moments in life, for without those, one could never recognize the truly spectacular.

The Agent shall probably return on Friday unless she runs into Agent 007. In that case, who knows?