Even Jessica Simpson’s worst enemies would have to admit this is almost excessively cruel. According to the Daily Star, Ashlee Simpson is negotiating with a (nameless) US network for her own talk show, creatively titled The Ashlee Simpson Show. When possible co-hosts were being discussed, Ashlee suggested her sister Jessica, but the network brass shot that idea down. To quote the Star’s anonymous source, “…Bosses weren’t keen as Jessica is seen as a bit naff. She’s older and linked to a different world of celebrity.” Instead (moving over to Fametastic), “Ashlee will be joined by Kate, a rhesus macaque, who is said to have directed Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs” video and attended this week’s Kerrang! Awards with the band.”

Sounds too stupid to be true, right? Wrong-o, my naïve young friend. To quote the Star’s anonymous source once more:

They thought it would be really funny to have the monkey co-host the show. She’s going to be the rock monkey and will ‘direct’ other bands coming on the show. Sadly, this format change meant there was no place for Jessica.

Honestly, trying out for a job and being beaten by a monkey sounds like the plot for a none-too-realistic sitcom. For Jessica, that career in direct-to-video pr0n must be looking better every day.