Ah, nostalgia. Remember when Britney was a cute, sexy poptart, and Michael was, well, not cute and sexy, but at least a somewhat normal human being? Hah! Trick question–nobody remembers when Michael was normal. But lately the two seem to be going through some sort of disharmonic convergence and slowly morphing into the same appalling individual. Case in point: Britney made roughly a gazillion dollars during the two years or so when she stood at the pinnacle of pop notoriety. Much like a certain one-gloved weirdo. Now, after spending something like $21 million in the last two years on Cheetohs, nose candy, panties she doesn’t even wear, and who knows what else, Britney is worried she may be close to bankruptcy. Again, much like the Gloved One.

Meanwhile, Jacko has checked into the presidential suite of a London hotel registered as a woman, an identity he probably won’t fake any more convincingly than maleness or general humanness. It does serve to heighten the resemblance between the two, though. And according to the staff, Jacko’s a lousy tipper. Just like Britney.

But I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end. Presumably Britney, like Michael, will battle her inner demons and return to the limelight after an absence of several years, issuing a new album with an upbeat title. “Invincible” or something like that. Michael Jackson did, and remember how successful the Michael Jackson comeback was? Ah, nostalgia.