Oprah’s been dating Steadman Graham for the past twenty years, yet they see no need to get married. Perhaps there’s a damn good reason for that – because they’re not having sex?

In the August issue of O: The Oprah Magazine, Miss Thang puts rumours to rest that she and Gayle King are more than just best friends who gossip, jog, shower, and spend huge amounts of money together. Oprah complains that “[T]here isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women,” which of course is her excuse for all problems – blame society and all its intolerant ills.

Queerty is “equally interested in her thoughts about Stedman Graham’s orientation speculation,” as we all should be. Alas, Oprah doesn’t give us those details, because she’s busy telling us that “there’s nothing wrong with being gay,” just so we don’t accuse her of forgetting her roots or some such nonsense.

Let us ponder the good chap Steadman’s first name with the requisite Merriam-Webster assistance on the first half of the compound word:

Main Entry: stead

Pronunciation: ‘sted

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English stede, from Old English; akin to Old High German stat place, Old English standan to stand — more at STAND

1 obsolete : LOCALITY, PLACE

2 : ADVANTAGE — used chiefly in the phrase to stand one in good stead

3 : the office, place, or function ordinarily occupied or carried out by someone or something else acted in his brother’s stead

Now we can construct the Official Agent Bedhead® pseudo-definition: