French film producer Philippe Rebboah has watched Crossroads far too many times and decided he wants Britney Spears to play the Virgin Mary in his next opus. Here’s a brief outline of the plot:

According to Us magazine, Britney is to play a pregnant 19-year-old who is unsure about the identity of her baby’s father. She “goes into labor on Christmas Eve in Bethlehem, Maryland, as rumors swirl that the birth is Jesus Christ’s second coming.”

This sounds like yet another sublimely stupid notion concocted by a French intellectual, like deconstructionism or the Maginot Line. Actually, Rebboah more or less said as much: “I had to convince my partners, because they were like, ‘Oh, no. Britney?’ But I thought it was brilliant.” But you won’t be surprised to learn that Britney managed to trump this stupidity
by agreeing to consider the part. I’m guessing Britney’s logic here is that playing
a pregnant, promiscuous teen in a controversial French film would really impress the judge in her child custody case. Because the Virgin Mary was supposed to be, like, this really good mom and all.