As you people know, I generally hate to sound pretentious, but, considering the subject matter here, that tone isn’t entirely foreign. In this week’s installment of Gwyneth Paltrow’s illustrious GAK GOOP, the haughty one details her vast knowledge of Expensive & Snobbish Kid-Friendly Restaurants:

have almost lost it trying to make them sit still while I partake in something more grown-up. Below you will find a few real finds, restaurants that are good for them and delish for us. Bring the mini-pack of colored pencils and order a real drink.

Here’s to togetherness.

Togetherness? Okay, I’m totally leaving that one alone since Mr. GPal, lead singer Chris Martin of the exceedingly bland Coldplay, makes a habit of doing so on a chronic basis.

The more peculiar detail here is Gwyneth’s focus on “order[ing] a real drink.” She gives mention again when speaking of Sweetiepie, a Greenwich Village restaurant: “They tie balloons to the kiddies’ chairs and have a full bar. Heaven.” Interesting.

Now, while I am both a parent and a drinker of alcoholic beverages (as demonstrated in last night’s Twitter stream), I can count on one finger the number of times that I’ve ever even taken a sip of alcohol while my child has been in the vicinity. I certainly have never done so when I’m the only person responsible for my child’s safety and well-being. Then again, I don’t have a nanny and housekeeper to keep kiddo from stumbling into the nearest body of water or wandering into traffic. Bloody hell.