Paris Hilton has been banned from the Munich, Germany Oktoberfest because locals have accused her of “cheapening” last year’s celebration. The heiress showed up dressed in plaits and traditional Bavarian dress to shill for a brand of canned wine. In addition, Paris brought her (at the time) BFF Kim Kardashian along for the ride, which probably didn’t help matters. Just to provide extra reassurance to the people of Munich, the region’s tourism chief has declared that celeb promotions “are completely prohibited by the new festival rules.”

Hilton has decided to fill the Oktoberfest void this year by talking out her ass. Paris claims she will donate many, many items from her closet because, “I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice.”

Two thoughts: (1) Paris will never take the trouble to give these clothes away, just like she never will build a halfway house for women who are released from prison, and (2) Society doesn’t want the inhabitants of orphanages and children’s hospitals dressing like little whores.