Apparently physically perfect people are the theme of the day here at Agent Bedhead. What with reality being the rather sucky, slipshod affair that it is, most of us fall short of our own ideals in the looks department. Now, if you’re morbid enough to want to know precisely how far you deviate from physical perfection, a group of researchers in Poland have tried to scientifically quantify the physical parameters of the perfect man and woman. And they conclude that the perfect man and woman are these two people:

Hmm. No question, given the opportunity I’d be all over Naomi Campbell with such enthusiasm that whoever could pull me out of her would become the next king of Britain. The only things that might stand in my way would be her extreme dumbness, her obnoxious personality, and her total lack of interest in having anything to do with me. But I can think of plenty of painfully attractive women who don’t look much like Ms. Campbell. Those with an interest in the beefcake will have to decide whether Christian Bale really is Mr. Perfect in ways that a certain shirtless yoga freak isn’t.

In fact, this whole “scientific study” gives off a distinct aroma of BS. The real breakthrough here is that scientists in Poland have found a way to get funded while they sit around obsessively studying pictures of people who will never, ever date Polish scientists.