New Year’s Resolutions are such crap; a mere device for the weak-willed among us to pledge to change themselves, for better or worse. Of course, when these promises are not kept, these types just shrug their shoulders and decide to wait until next January to try again. Such rubbish! If you want to make a change, just do it, mates. Like, when Pete Doherty wants to brush his teeth, which just happens to occur every few months, then he just brushes his fucking wanker teeth. Oh sure, most days, it seems that he doesn’t own a toothbrush, but Peter does take regular baths. Our Antihero just sweats a lot — something to do with drugs or whatnot. Speaking of heroin, Doherty has issued the same statement that he makes every New Year’s Eve:

“I’m sick of going around in circles. I’m clean now and I’m going to stay that way this year – apart from the fags and booze.”

That’s just brilliant, really. Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has resolved to stop eating junk food but has said nothing about her heavy drugging and drinking. Sorry, but those recent pictures prove nothing, and just because her gut is sticking out in manner of a malnouished Ethiopian child, that doesn’t mean she’s looking “healthier” or whatever it is people are saying these days. Meanwhile, here are a few pleasant surprises: Paris Hilton is swearing off acting, and Victoria Beckham resolves to buy fewer shoes. Methinks they’re all just full of shit. Happy New Year!