Or “Reality Bites,” if you want an even more derivative title. The end of her relationship with Blake Sennett has hit Winona Ryder hard, and last week the dangerously unstable movie star and future mother of my children was seen out on a date with Tom Green. According to an anonymous source at a nearby table, “Winona didn’t waste any time. She and Tom were all over each other, laughing and carrying on.” Mr. Green was married to Drew Barrymore for several years, and he’s been linked to several other women who seem wildly out of his league, so he must have all sorts of qualities that are invisible to the naked eye. Or to the unwary viewer of The Tom Green Show, where he came across as a horrific combination of Steve-O and Lance Armstrong.

Granted, Tom’s latest venture, the online talk show Tom Green’s House Tonight, isn’t nearly the tasteless shockfest he was running six years ago. But Tom Green still seems like a long, long fall from the likes of Johnny Depp. On the bright side, if Winona tumbles three or four more fllights down the staircase of celebrity romance then she’ll be right in my territory. So I’ve got that to look forward to.