We all know times are tough. Maybe you’ve been laid off, maybe you’ve moved back in with the parental units, maybe you’re thinking about inventive ways to prepare ramen so that it’s fit for human consumption. But our economy is much, much worse than you think. Case in point: Tuesday the Jersey Shore gang opened the New York Stock Exchange. Snooki got to do the honors, ringing the bell that marked the official opening of the exchange and the official closing of Western culture. As Entertainment Weekly noted, the hit show might be regarded as a bizarro-world salute to capitalism:

[W]hen a pack of drunken nitwits — who are so lacking in talent, even their own parents are left wondering why they’re famous— manage to collectively negotiate a fat new contract for a third season of their hit reality show, perhaps that’s capitalism at its finest.

Maybe so. Personally, I would have found it less depressing if Paul the Psychic Octopus had been up there swinging the hammer. He is, after all, more attractive as a role model and less revolting as a potential sex partner than any member of the Jersey Shore cast. Which is probably why he’s too highbrow for American television.