These kids today. Sure, Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse are a couple of drug-addled, emotionally stunted wastes of human skin whose public behavior would get them evicted from a troop of poo-flinging howler monkeys, but they’ve got nothing on the oldtimers. When it comes to screwing up your life on an absolutely epic, majestic level, you need a guy like Ron Wood. The 61-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist, whose past problems with alcohol are well known, has left his wife of 26 years to run off to Ireland with an 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress in the course of a two-bottle-a-day vodka bender.

See, for normal humans, that last sentence would have had a period after the word “years.” But Ronnie Wood goes on to throw four or five additional carloads of fuckupery onto the pileup, leading to a run-on sentence of disaster that’s completely beyond the abilities of a mere child like Doherty or Winehouse. For her part, Jo Wood has seen it all before and seems relatively blase about the whole mess:

“I know her – she’s been here. I was quite all right that she was hanging around with him. They have been staying in Ireland and Ronnie’s art man was with them. Ronnie told me she was staying there and I said, ‘OK – get on with it and have a drink, go mad. Drink your guts up’.”

Ekaterina Ivanova, the girl in question, is telling friends that Ronnie is her boyfriend and is planning out their post-Jo Woods future together. Ronnie himself, according to friends, is so sodden with vodka that he’s barely aware of where he is or what’s going on. In other news, Keith Richards is doing just fine, thank you.