On the sun-drenched shores of Ibiza, Kate Moss and Sylvester Stallone were spotted chatting it up, and, apparently, the conversation got pretty intense. So, what were these two talking about? Other than their mutual love of Elvis, Kate and Sly were getting serious about “ass-reading,” or, if you’d prefer the more technical term, “rumpology.” While I wish that I could claim that last detail came out of my imagination, it surely did not:

[T]he conversation moved to the contours of Sly’s ladyfriend Jennifer Flavin’s bumcheeks and what they divulged about her future.

Sly, 62, and Kate spent the afternoon studying 39-year-old Jen’s sitting-pads, while he explained the finer points of rumpology – a skill perfected by his mother.

Says a passerby: “I’ve never seen anybody get so animated over bums and Elvis as those two. [Kate] can’t wait to get back home and read Jamie Hince’s cheeks. Although she doesn’t know how to broach the subject.”

Yes, astrologer Jackie Stallone taught her own son how to read asses. Jackie considers “rumpology” to be one of the ancient arts, which was cultivated by the Greeks and Romans and should be taken very seriously. In fact, for just $125 (shipping included!), Jackie will perform a reading upon your ass too:

1. Your personal, condensed, no frills, [sic] report on the signs and markings on your rear end.

2. A condensed one-year prediction in the direction your rear end is taking you…Love, career, and finance.

3. As in palmistry, the left-hand print and footprint are your past, as is the left cheek of your behind. The left-hand print and left-cheeck [sic] print represent the right cerebral hemisphere of the brain…

All Jackie Stallone requires to unlock your future is $125 and a picture of your ass. Famous people are weird.