It’s Friday, the end of another bad week that Jessica Simpson probably wishes would just disappear. Bad enough that her straight-to-DVD movie Blonde Ambition caught the jaundiced eye of Dustin Rowles over at Pajiba. What really set the tone for the week was the Giants’ defeat of the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday in a game that featured another tepid performance from Jessica’s boyfriend Tony Romo. Jessica had bowed to the wishes of millions of fans by staying away, but the New York Post flew in a ringer who sat three rows behind the bench. The Cowboys went on to lose, so either Fake Jessica has the same effect on Tony or Real Jessica has some kind of global hoodoo that isn’t affected by time or distance. Either way, Papa Joe is now speculating that his daughter might need a bodyguard the next time she visits her home state.

There’s a video up on YouTube where one Cowboys fan, possibly Tom Cruise, explains how devastated he was by the Sunday loss. He blames Jessica for his team’s defeat, and his criticism sounds especially pungent in the original German.