(Originally posted on November 2, 2004. This, of course, was written for a bit of stress-relief from the usual suspects. Looking back on these generalizations, and in light of the political fallout from Hurricane Katrina, the bittersweet humour still rings disappointedly true. Then again, what the hell do I know - since I have been accused of licking my finger and holding it out to see which way the political winds are blowing that day. To my critic, I would offer the solution of not concentrating so much on what others seem to be doing. Instead, perhaps one should remedy their own close-minded views, no? If anyone missed it (and if so, where the hell have you been?), The Commissar outlined the ironic nature of post-hurricane political blogging in America.)

A Republican: You get laid all the time. Your neighbor has not had sex in two years. So what? Maybe if he lost some weight and started grooming, he’d get some action.

A Democrat: You have two casual, non-exclusive relationships in the works.  Your neighbor has not had sex in two years.  You feel guilty for being oh-so desirable.  You vote people into office who place special taxes upon dating activities, such as movies, restaurants, romantic weekend getaways. This forces you to rid yourself of one of the women, since you just cannot afford all these taxes. The politicians you voted for then take the tax money and buy a mail-order bride and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A Libertarian: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. Your neighbor has not had sex in two years. Tell him there is a free-market out there, so he can go check in the phone book under “call girls.”

A Christian Republican: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. Since you don’t wish to end up in a fiery pit of hell, you keep one lady to yourself and introduce the other to your neighbor.

A Christian Democrat: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. Obviously, you are amazed that you even exist, since LaShawn Barber tells you that one cannot be Christian and Liberal. You tell Ms. Barber to kiss your Democratic ass, keep one lady to yourself, and introduce the not-so-nice one to Ms. Barber’s male love interest.

A Socialist: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. The government takes one lady and gives her to your neighbor.

A Communist: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. The government seizes both and provides you with soft-core porno flicks.

A Fascist: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. The government seizes both women sells you soft-core porno flicks. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. In addition, you make your own porno flicks, which contain subliminal messages about how crappy government-issued porno flicks are in quality and in principle.

An Anarchist: You have two casual, non-exclusive dating relationships. As far as you’re concerned, sex and dating are private matters to be resolved between consenting adults. In your opinion, the government has no place messing with your private affairs. You and the two women voice your dissent against the government’s existence and then go form a loosely-organized orgy.