If you want to get a few inches deeper into the Watchmen experience, and you’re male (and you probably are; there’s a reason they’re called “fanboys”), here’s your chance: Watchmen condoms. To be honest, I’m not certain these things are completely safe. When your partner sees you sporting the mystical blue wang of Dr. Manhattan (or Billy Crudup, depending on how meta you’re feeling), they might start laughing so hard they’ll fall out of bed and hurt themselves. Of course, the Watchmen were never afraid to take a risk in a good cause.

Right now, the people at WB marketing are handing these babies out free as a promotional tie-in, which sounds like a missed commercial opportunity. Lord knows, Watchmen doesn’t offer much else that can be commercially exploited in a sexy way. Rorschach’s mask? The Comedian’s foul stogies? And even Silk Spectre felt like a damn idiot running around in that outfit. Of course, if your sexual options are limited, then you could always spend a lonely, sleepless night with a cup of Nite Owl Dark Roast. Not at all sexy, and even more appropriate.