Aah, crap. Just when the vortex of insanity surrounding Anna Nicole Smith seemed to have finally dissipated, and we could all let Anna Nicole peacefully decompose into her constituent proteins and polymers, Anna’s half-sister Donna Hogan has stood up to say, “Not so fast.” In an interview with Chaunce Hayden for Steppin’ Out magazine, the fortyish Texan announced that she planned to dye her hair, get implants, and pose nude for a Playboy centerfold spread. As a bonus, she also intends to go after Howard K. Stern, who Donna called “a creepy little weasel-looking thing.” She went on to say:

I’d love to just beat the [bleep] out of him. But instead I think I’ll just torture him . . . hug and kiss on him and act like I like him, then just walk away and leave him like that, all sexually frustrated.

Doesn’t that sound like fun? Really, it’s going to be almost as if Anna Nicole never left.

Look: Anna Nicole Smith’s entire career—from the Guess Jeans ads, to the appearances in Playboy, the gold-digging, the druggy weirdness and the amazing avalanche of pre- and post-mortem lawsuits—was like some unspeakably hideous song whose sole redeeming feature is the sweet relief you feel when it’s finally over. The world neither wants nor needs Anna Nicole Smith 2.0. Besides, with all the Lindsays and Parises and their younger sisters running around, we’re raising a new crop of ignorant, deranged slut-ditzes that will make old-school trash like Anna Nicole look like Martha Stewart.