While the rest of the planet goes nuts over the World Cup, a typically dour note was sounded by Colonel Gaddafi, who likened soccer to slavery:

"FIFA was founded to create love among the population of the earth, but all it did was spread & deepen feelings of hostility & hatred all over the world. FIFA has reactivated the slavery system & the trade in human beings from Africa to Europe & America, & from Latin America to Europe. The children of poor countries have become the slaves of the rich ones."

One of those enthusiastic slaves is Iran’s Hossein Kaabi, at 20 a contender for Best Young Player award in the 2006 World Cup. Kaabi is not only the youngest star on Iran’s team, but its smallest, only 5′7", 138 pounds. The youngest child of 14 children, he grew up in Ahvez in southwest Iran, where boys grow up playing soccer in the streets, & made the national team at age 17.

Nickname: Wonderkid. Assets: dazzling speed & ability (brags he can run 100 meter dash in 10 seconds). Drawbacks: slight build, nasty temper. Dreams of playing for Manchester United, though rumored to be heading for Arsenal. Favorite player: Luis Figo of Portugal.

Meanwhile, England has turned to hip-shaking philosopher / pork chop / Renaissance woman Shakira for some expert soccer advice.