CHICAGO, Illinois:

Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found.

Songs depicting men as “sex-driven studs,” women as sex objects and with explicit references to sex acts are more likely to trigger early sexual behavior than those where sexual references are more veiled and relationships appear more committed, the study found.

Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music.

…

Exposure to lots of sexually degrading music “gives them a specific message about sex,” said lead author Steven Martino, a researcher for Rand Corp. in Pittsburgh. Boys learn they should be relentless in pursuit of women and girls learn to view themselves as sex objects, he said.

According to this study hormones have absolutely nothing to do with it, nothing. That rattlesnake that your fifteen year old cousin tried to have sex with, it had been listening to that damned rap music too.

Apparently I’ve been going about it wrong all these years. I guess it’s time to retire the Marvin Gaye, Al Greene and Clarence Carter tunes and replace them with more modern beats, yo. Word.

One item of note there was no word on whether music from a CD has the same affect. So in the name of science I’m soliciting help from 10 – 15 hot legal female cheerleaders. Sacrifice, that’s what I’m all about, the sacrifices I make for you guys are unimaginable. We’ll also be collecting funds for a memorial service should the missus find out about this experiment.