Most people would say the success of Jersey Shore is a clear signal that the human race should just pack it in and hand the planet over to the dolphins, but for Nicole “Snooki” Palazzi it’s all good news And she hasn’t exactly been slow about cashing in. Snooki has been renting herself out for a while now ($2000, plus transportation costs–plus a prefontal lobotomy if you really expect to survive an evening of her company), and there’s already a long line of Snooki merchandise available, if your tastes run in those directions. (And if they do, I really hope we never meet.) But wait — there’s more! According to Janet Charlton’s Hollywood, a Snooki doll is in the works, complete with leopard-print dress, poufed hair, and, presumably, Oompa-Loopa skintone.

I’ve never actually met a child I hated so much that I would consider buying them a Snooki doll, but it’s nice to know the option is out there if it ever becomes necessary. Still, this doll seems insufficiently accessorized. A Snooki doll is useless without a Brad Ferro doll to deliver the occasional face-punch. But that’s probably just a few months away.