Tom Cruise is flaming mad, and dammit, he wants to know exactly who is to blame . . . or else. Reportedly, one of the Valkyrie cast or crew members dared to break wind during Tom’s insincere moment of silence for the anti-Nazi heroes during filming in Berlin. Not unexpectedly, Tom has raised a huge stink over this atrocity.

“Quite rightly, Tom is furious. We were filming at the Bendler Block in Germany where the anti-Nazis were executed.”

The source said Cruise decided to ask for the minute’s silence to show respect for the deceased and appease the German government, who only allowed the movie to be filmed if post-war Germany was shown in a positive light.

The source added: “So for somebody to pass wind in a situation like that is unforgivable.”

The silence was filmed and now Cruise and the producers will go through the footage to identify the culprit, who is likely to be fired.

Presumably, Tom Cruise’s ultra-precise, gas-detecting methodology will, ultimately, be able to predict which of these guys (below) is the culprit. Not that gas is visible or the applicable noise is followed by a flag popping out of a guy’s ass or anything. Still though, getting fired for pissing off Tom Cruise has got to be the highlight of one’s resume.

See also STWWIOS #1 (featuring Tom Cruise v. The Nazi Menace) and STWWIOS #2 (irrelevant, as it features another celebrity).