Page Six makes us all lose our latest meal by reminding us that Star Jones loves the freebies that come with being a C-List Celebrity. She directed her manager to set up free private lessons with a stripper pole as part of some half-baked effort to engage in aerobic exercise.

Fortunately, the aforementioned aerobic instructor declined to let Star hump a stripper pole for free, but if that thought alone didn’t make you ill, Rosie O’Donnell drenched us with an associated theme by yelling, “You lying sack of sh-t, you can only eat one [Oreo] because you poop soup!”

Awesome. Now nobody reading this will ever require gastric bypass surgery, which means that by typing out this utter crap, I just lessened the nation’s obesity problem by .00000000132 percent. My work here is done.