When we last heard from Javier Bardem, female fans the world over were feeling a tad bitter that the man had taken himself off the market and married Penelope Cruz. Actually, this was kind of a sweet story, since: a) both Javier and Penelope seem like pretty decent people; b) they’ve known each other for nearly twenty years; and c) none of us had a shot at either one of them in the first place. But it’s possible the door hasn’t completely closed on Javier’s availability. It might be just the tiniest bit ajar, provided that you meet his standards. And those standards are surprisingly non-heteronormative:

I had the great opportunity to meet Brad [Pitt] a couple of times…what a beauty. He is beautiful and his physicality is so amazing to see. But the beauty really comes from different places – the way he talks, the way he’s interested in what you’re saying. And that body is like – wow. It’s amazing, no? He really made me feel very, like…I don’t know, like, I could fall in love with him! Like a teenage girl getting crazy and going [screams] like that.”

All righty, then. I’m just going to assume that these are the comments of a man sufficiently secure in his masculinity that he has no problem seeing another man as physically attractive. Because the alternative would be that these are the comments of a man who doesn’t appreciate Penelope Cruz as much as she deserves, in which case someone a lot tougher than I am needs to punch Javier Bardem right in the face.