Perhaps the first rule of celebrity gossip blogging is “When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” (Actually, that rule probably falls just below “Don’t splooge all over the pictures you post, unless you’re trying to come off as a hateful, nasty-minded 10-year-old.” Still, I think it’s pretty high on the list.) We here at Agent Bedhead try not to violate the “stop digging” rule, but Perez Hilton has yet to learn that lesson. At least that’s the message of his poorly timed cover story in the Advocate, where Perez defends himself from the charge of being a nitwit, hypocritical homophobe by insisting he’s really a racist. Here’s Mario on the infamous Will.I.Am beatdown:

I thought about calling him the n word, but I thought the f word was even worse. I was so filled with hate at that moment because I was hated on so much, and I reacted in the worst way possible. Then I went on to make a bunch of other mistakes. I shouldn’t have made the video. I shouldn’t have released so many statements. But what’s come out of all of this is that I’ve learned so much about myself. As cheesy as it may sound, I had almost a spiritual moment when I just let all of the anger and worry go and am now filled with peace, happiness, and wisdom.

Thanks for clearing that up, O Wise One. A really wise decision might be to stop dying on this hill, considering that millions of people are ready to give Will.I.Am his own national holiday for dropping the hammer on Perez. Right now, I’d settle for letting bygones be bygones, provided Perez limits his attention-whoring to his own nasty little blog. Otherwise, things could get ugly.