Not my words, I promise. No, that’s more or less what Kanye West said during a taping for VH1′s Storytellers. Kany performed a few songs, something he’s pretty good at, and spouted off about this and that, something at which he’s got lots of practice but no talent at all. When he got to Chris’s alleged beatdown (“alleged” because the case is still pending—hey, for all we know Rihanna might have beaten and choked herself into unconsciousness just to make poor Chris look bad), Kanye displayed true gallantry by defending the real victim in this case:

West asked the crowd, “Can’t we give Chris a break? … I know I make mistakes in life.” …In the same context, West earned loud applause with his declaration: “Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing … He’s a real f===in’ person; he makes mistakes…. O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?”

If you’re the kind of person who watches VH1 (and for your sake, I hope you’re not that kind of person), you won’t be hearing those comments when Storytellers airs this Saturday. VH1 felt they added nothing to West’s performance, and didn’t really clarify the issues in the Chris/Rihanna mess. To be honest, the connections between Chris Brown and a creepy pedophile, an Olympic gold medallist photographed with a bong, and a guy who nearly hacked off his wife’s head are a little murky. But one thing is clear: as long as Kanye West is defending you, LA doesn’t even need to bring in the county prosecutors.