“One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feeling blue is that he doesn’t try to figure out why.”

- Anonymous

I sense that anonymous was married to a cat-lover, don’t you? It’s amazing what a controversial subject that dogs v. cats has transmogrified into, and this is particularly noticeable in the blogoshegmeersphere, where all of our inner demons run loose. Very few people adore both cats and dogs, and generally, one possesses a strong preference towards one of the other. The Demystifying Divas and Men’s Club are discussing how pet preferences affect dating relationships. In my not-so-humble opinion, other than the rarities, there are dog people, and there are cat people, and never the ‘twain shall mix. A few more illustrative quotes, for which each speaker expresses his preference:

“A dog wags his tail with his heart.”

- Martin Buxbaum

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”

- Sigmund Freud

Other than the most interesting Freudian non-slip, notice that one never reads famous quotes where the speaker states, “Dogs and cats are both da bomb!” Perhaps this next quote is most telling:

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

- Winston Churchill

Now, I used to be a cat person, but as my obsessive-compulsive traits spewed their pollen-filled blossoms onto my psyche in my early twenties, I started to really think about feline grooming habits. Not that the kitties can help their fate as carriers of Toxoplasmosis, but they really do wallow around in their own crap and then climb straight up into your lap. Ugh. Dogs might not be the most tidy beings either, but at least they do their business and walk away from it all. In addition, since lightweight females tend to benefit from the protection of a labrador, this is much prefered to the antisocial feline who would not be inclined to protect his mistress in such a situation.

As such, whenever I was interviewing prospective dates, I immediately ruled out any cat owners. That’s just my oddness speaking here, but I cannot live with the whole litter-wallowing process. The topic of pet preferences is not negotiable in my book, because in America, many pets are treated better than children are, which is sad but nonetheless true. Love for pets is rather unconditional, since for the most part, one’s dog or cat doesn’t irritate as much as one’s fellow man tends to do.

Since humans tend to possess such fierce committment to their housepets, methinks a theory is in order, so here ’tis. When one gives away their dog or cat (cue former discussion of Britney Spears) to please their partner, it’s a damn good indicator that the relationship won’t last. The sad truth is that this issue speaks to common values, and living with an abhorrent animal isn’t at all like locating the middle ground in so many other dating situations that are rather negligible, such as where to eat dinner on a Saturday evening.

Of course, ’tis possible that this take might of offended a few of my esteemed colleagues, but since we’re not living together, I think we’ll sail past these differences. Heh. As such, I refer you to the feminine opinions of Chrissy, Silk, and Kathy. Then peruse the manly perspectives of The Wizard, Phin, and Sexy Stigmata, and Naked Villainy. Tincanman is playing the part of guest diva this week, and oddly enough, he’s a man, baby. Stay tuned for more on that.