Katie Holmes has been dreadfully busy preparing for her Broadway debut, but that didn’t stop Tom Cruise from visiting his wife last week and grabbing a few dozen happy-as-hell photo ops in the process. Never forget that, at any given moment, everything is absolutely fine in the world of the Poison Dwarf, despite reports that United Artists is “Imploding” & Scientology is going down faster than Tara Reid getting her cougar on at a frat party.

The Cruise, however, isn’t the first Scientologist to throw a film studio into questionable status. In 2000, John Travolta’s pet project, Battlefield Earth, was produced on a $73 million budget and only grossed $29 million worldwide. This film was such a massive failure that it effectively killed Franchise Pictures:

Oh, Battlefield Earth. What is there left to say about you that millions before have not already said? You are a terrible, terrible movie and we all hate you. It took a movie like this to make me wish Quentin Tarantino had never bothered to revive [John] Travolta’s career in the first place. If you aren’t fully aware yet of how crazy [S]cientology is, just realize this monstrosity was based on a novel by the insane mind that spilled forth that religion. What’s sad is that the fallout from Battlefield Earth’s colossal failure is far more interesting than anything that went on in the movie. The horrible box office performance led to a group of investors to take a look at the books on Battlefield Earth and other movies being produced by Franchise Pictures. Turns out they were inflating the budgets of movies to scam investors and didn’t cover their tracks well enough. Oops! They ended up going bankrupt, meaning a sequel ever being made is unlikely. Thank Xenu.

Nowadays, while Travolta has been *ahem* laying low,Tom Cruise has picked up the slack on the studio killing operations. The current state of United Artists, as a MGM subsidiary, has induced a financial panic that Page Six has tactfully referred to as “THE TOM FACTOR“:

Merrill Lynch is examining its contract with United Artists as the beleaguered bank looks to revise the deal on more favorable terms, The Post has learned. Merrill’s goal is to see if studio parent Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer violated any terms by axing Paula Wagner – superstar Tom Cruises’ [sic] movie partner – as UA’s CEO.

Meanwhile, as a safeguard against Merrill’s maneuvering, MGM has retained Goldman Sachs as a strategic adviser to raise equity for film financing as well as other alternatives, including a potential sale of the famed studio, according to three people involved in or close to the situation.

Since Tom Cruise still is technically tied to UA, MGM boss Harry Sloan likely hasn’t defaulted on any of the terms of the $500 million credit facility that Merrill extended to UA. Reps for Merrill and Goldman did not return calls or could not be reached, while an MGM spokesman said the UA fund is “completely safe.” For now, that is.

Sources said Merrill is looking for any event that might trigger a default on the loan and open the door to renegotiations.

Oh, whatever. In the words of the Cruise himself, Merrill Lynch is just being “glib.” They just need to get the hell over their “anxiety” by popping some vitamins. It’ll all work out.

Imagery: Wireimage