Sure the reigning Miss USA, Tara Conner, may be too young to have been named after Tara Reid or Tara Patrick, but in The Big Book of Names 1985 edition* it clearly states any girls named Tara will have a 99% chance of being drunken harlots. It seems The Big Book of Names 1985 edition was right on the money.

“The Miss Universe Organization and Mr. Donald J. Trump will be evaluating her behavioral and personal issues to see what we can do to work with her, and what we will do about her reign going forward.

Mr. Trump will make a determination and announcement within the coming week.”

Yeah, I’d ask if they’d fire me rather than wait for The Donald to decide my fate. Plus then she’d be freed up cash in and do Playboy, Hustler and some other classy adult magazines, from there it’d be her turn to host E’s “Wild On” series.

I would like to give mad props to her plastic surgeon. I mean you can barely tell that her boobies have been medically enhanced. Maybe I’m hallucinating again, but wasn’t there some discussion a couple of years back about the Miss USA contestants being silicone / saline free?

* No need to look that up, you can trust me, honest.