Okay, it’s official: Hollywood is really, truly, 100 percent stone cold out of ideas. The confirmation came with the news that Tom Welling, who plays Superman on Smallville (one of the three or four shows on the CW that people watch without being duct-taped to the couch) has been cast in a remake of Teen Wolf. As Enrico Fermi once said: “Who ordered that?” Michael J. Fox is a nice guy who’s faced Parkinson’s with grace and dignity, but his big-screen career peaked with Back to the Future, and Teen Wolf was trivial even by comparison to the rest of his oeuvre. Right now, this sounds like the most profoundly unnecessary remake ever. Although I’ll probably be looking back on it fondly by 2012, when the remake of The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case of the Volcano Mystery hits the holoscreens, featuring cutting-edge CGI technology that permits Elle Fanning to play the parts of both twins simultaneously. Truly, we live in an age of wonders.