Katie “Jordan” Price, that nitwit British lad mag model whose cup size falls somewhere in the part of the alphabet she hasn’t learned yet, is getting bored with life as a wife and mommy. The 29-year-old mother of three misses her old partying lifestyle, and the usual anonymous source says she’s worried about losing whatever sex appeal she once had. So Katie, who once shopped details of her husband’s willy to the Sun, is trying to force herself back into the public eye the only way she knows howthe desperate, classless, tone-deaf way.

According to Katie, she’s really just a simple, old fashioned girl when it comes to sex. It’s her husband Peter (who must be getting awfully tired of seeing tabloid stories about his unit and his sexual preferences) who’s into wild, kinky stuff:

Pete is the sicko, not me. I’m an extremist. Have you seen the film Hostel? Our sex life is like that.

Does this woman even know what “extremist” means? More to the point, did she ever see Hostel? It was a disgusting movie about psychotic surgical mutilation and torture, not naughty S&M games. Of course, maybe Peter really does get off on surgery in the bedroom. If so, there’s always hope that one night he might replace her implants with something a little less preposterous in the gazonga department.