A girl’s got to start discriminating
sometime doesn’t she?

You know what has to be a kick in the nuts? Being asked by Lindsay Lohan why she would hang out with you thats what.

FedEx texted ye ole possessor of the Firecrotch saying, “We should hang out”.

Things didn’t go so well for America’s number one baller

When Lindsay replied with “Why would I hang out with you?” the oft scorned FedEx, hurt and probably crying, again, replied back calling her “firecrotch”.

I’m telling you guys Kid Rock could clean up if he’d open up a School of Etiquette. Kind of like Oprah’s new school, except for degenerates.

One can only imagine FedEx’s conversation with the two remaining members of his posse once the tears dried. This is of course purely speculation.

Friend #1: “Damn man I can’t believe you just got dissed by Lindsay Lohan. I mean, I heard she even gave it up to Vanilla Ice one time, you”
Friend #2: “Bwaa ha ha ha”
The FedEx: “Man, screw you guys, dat’s whack. You know I was just messin’ around. There ain’t no way that bitch could hang wit me. No Way. Plus, I don’t want dat nasty ass firecrotch spreadin’ her gonnare…, uh, gonarei…, uh, STD’s all over my crib no how.”
Friend #1: Yeah man, we know, you need a hug? How about a hanky to dry those tears?

Lindsay’s “friends” told US Weekly

“She was totally grossed out,” a Lohan pal tells Us.

Says another, “She thought it was hilarious.”

Says the source, “She couldn’t believe he was so pathetic. She doesn’t want him using her to make Britney jealous.”

Would anybody, and I realize I’m stretching it with Brit Brit, be jealous that an ex took a turn on Hollywood’s most ridden amusement? Upset and shamed, sure, that’s understandable. Jealous, somebody thinks highly of themselves don’t they?

Speaking of imaginary conversations I’d have loved to have heard the lead in to this pic, which happens to beg captioning:

I’ll start: Does this rash make my ass look fat?

update: Apparently teh FedEx is one mean bastard. Lindsay Lohan had to have emergency surgery to have her appendix removed today. I QUESTION THE TIMING. Sure some are going to say it was just appendicitis, me I think teh FedEx or one of his homeboiz stuck a shank in her appendix. That’ll learn the bitch to dis a baller won’t it?