As pretty much everybody but the Unabomber knows, Britney Spears has spent the last week stumbling around L.A. sans panties while Paris Hilton taught her how to raise her knees to ear level before exiting a car. Paris invented the trick, according to this article (the details are in the final paragraph), and while it’s not much of a trick, I doubt that either of these two bimbos could hold people’s attention with anything requiring real skill, like pulling a quarter out of your ear. The odds seem pretty good that Lindsay had the same teacher. Thanks a lot for passing that one on, Paris. It would be really nice if this particular infection didn’t spread any further. Honestly, right now I’m feeling pretty nostalgic about all those classy cameltoe shots.

Anyway, karma has a way of catching up with you. Britney just might have been “scared straight� when Rosie O’Donnell opened her meaty arms and publicly invited Brit to move in with her. If that didn’t do the trick, then this video of Rosie showing off her hefty charms certainly will. Go ahead and click. Afterward, you’ll be wanting this:

Actually, this stuff might also come in handy after you do find those crotch shots of Ms. Toxic. No, don’t thank me. Our readers’ comfort is what we’re all about, here at Agent Bedhead.