The Best Part of Waking Up is Mcconaughey in Your Cup

By Bedhead in Comics, Drool, Film, Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey Casting RumoursMatthew McConaughey Casting Rumours

Best. Film. Casting. Rumour. Ever.

Marvel superheros have just recently seen their street cred rise dramatically as a result of the $104 million opening weekend for Iron Man, so, thanks in part to the enigmatic Robert Downey Jr. and the brilliant Jon Favreau, certain Marvel characters — even dead ones — are suddenly hot commodities. Captain America has been dead for well over a year now, but his bullet-ridden corpse shall soon be resuscitated. Tasteless? Too soon? Who cares? Hollywood isn’t known for its restraint. Rather than ration the superhero onslaught, and, ideally, not contribute to an insanely speedy public fatigue for superhero overkill, the studios are saying, “Fuck that,” and capitalizing on that bitch. Quite fittingly, no superhero epitomizes the sheer idea of capitalism better than Captain America should. Cinema Blend has the scoop:

After their big announcement Monday, we now know that Marvel Studios is planning to resurrect Captain America. His first movie isn’t slated for release until May 6th of 2011. but according to our sources they’re already looking for a potential leading man.

One of our long time scoopers dropped us a message tonight to let me know that Matthew McConaughey may be one of Marvel’s leading candidates to slip into Cap’s red white and blue underpants. Our source is a reliable one, but at this point it’s still very early and he’s only one of the actor’s [sic] they are considering for the role.

Yeah, okay. Matthew McConaughey is certainly built for the role, which is evidenced by his ability to casually hoist boulders into the ocean. However, McConaughey may have to pull his acting chops out of the cryogenic storage facility that’s clearly been running a meter for the past several McConaughey movies. After all, Captain America doesn’t save the day merely by removing his shirt, and he certainly doesn’t play the bongos naked, dance like an angry chimp, or take his daily jog directly in the middle of a lane of traffic. The sheer possibilities of how McConaughey could screw up this character are vastly and hilariously predictable. However, at the risk of pissing off the hardcore fanboys, a studio would certainly be interested in capturing the female demographic for one of these superhero films, and — let’s face it — most females fully realize that McConaughey is a fucking idiot, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy gawking at his banging body in motion.

Even if McConaughey really isn’t a candidate for the Captain America role, I’m sure his heart wouldn’t be broken. After all, there’s always the Magnum P.I. offer.



3 comments

This is perhaps the most grotesque thing I have ever heard.

05.07.08 | 9:49 am

[...] Matthew McConaughey in your cup – AB [...]

05.07.08 | 2:26 pm

[...] All hail Zombie Captain America! (AgentBedhead) [...]

05.07.08 | 5:04 pm
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