Elton John, who I never liked all that much in the first place, has spent years burnishing his well-deserved reputation for being a whiny old bitch. Now that he’s turned sixty, Elton has finally succumbed to the ultimate stereotype of tedious curmudgeonry and started griping about those dang kids with their so-called “music” and their newfangled internet doohickey.

According to Sir Elton, the internet has pretty much destroyed good music, because “the internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff.” The only solution, he says, is to shut the entire internet down for five years, then stand back and observe the resulting burst of artistic creativity. Not to mention good old-fashioned hippie-era protests: “Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging.” The old codger went on to complain about how much better the music was back in his day, when everyone wore onions on their belts:

In the early Seventies there were at least ten albums released every week that were fantastic. Now you’re lucky to find ten albums a year of that quality. And there are more albums released each week now than there were then.

Ah, yes. The early Seventies, that musical Golden Age when hacks like The Captain and Tenille could yammer about their foul-smelling “Muskrat Love” and sell a million albums. Maybe when the rest of his Midnight Special DVDs arrive, Sir Elton will plant his ass in front of the TV and stop bothering the rest of us with his addlepated reminiscences.