Heidi Montag/Pratt has no perceptible talents or virtues beyond an absolutely superhuman ability to not go away, but there’s something weirdly compelling about the sheer vapid tawdriness of her “career.” Her musical debut didn’t proceed exactly as planned, but she’s moving on and swears that things are gonna be different. Step one: buy a whole new body. Step two: Fire that douchebag of a husband/manager and replace him with a psychic douchebag:

After the incredible experiences I have had healing my life and truly connecting to my dreams with healer intuitive Aiden Chase, I have officially asked him to become my manager. Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has.”

No doubt about it, putting your career in the hands of “ancient Native American spirit healers” has got to be a step up from whatever the hell Spencer was bringing to the team. Maybe at some point she’ll consider something really unconventional like acquiring some actual skills. Hence my alternative title for this post, “If I Only Had a Brain.”